How to Grieve the Living

I pick up the phone to call. 

Your response is cold.


Our silence long and hollow. 


I lost you. 


I try to fill the spaces with moments that once was.

They are ghosts to me now.

You remain.

I cannot reconcile your life and our death.


So I learn to mourn your loss when I am with you.

by silencing expectations. 

and denying the resurrection of disappointment. 


I close my eyes when I see you.

Tell myself you are not there.

Not really.

Not for me.


It takes too long.

your death was neither warranted nor expected.